“I know I should not think this way, but I cannot stop”: understanding recurring thoughts
After sending a work email, you remember one sentence and wonder, “Will my colleague think I am blaming them?” You reopen the message several times and become less certain the more you read. You tell yourself to stop thinking about it, but soon want to check again.
“I should not think this way” can add urgency, as though the thought itself proves you lack control. When a thought keeps returning, it is also worth noticing how you feel and what you do in response.
Unpack one small experience
In this example, the fact is that the email has been sent and no one has commented on it yet. You might then think, “That sentence definitely upset them.” Tension follows, and you reread the email or ask another colleague whether it sounded wrong.
Cognitive behavioural therapy, often called CBT, attends to the links among a situation, thoughts, feelings and actions. Checking may bring brief relief. If another doubt quickly appears, repeated checking may also keep the worry in focus. The NHS introduction to CBT techniques uses these elements to help people understand their responses.
This is one way of observing what happens. It does not mean every concern is “just overthinking.” The wording of the email may indeed need clarification; we must still consider its content and the working relationship.
What do you know, and what are you guessing?
Rather than immediately telling yourself, “They cannot be upset,” separate a few things. What do I know? I sent the email and have not received feedback about it. What am I guessing? They might read one sentence as blame. What could I do? If the wording is genuinely unclear, I could explain it. If I have no new information, I could wait for a response.
The purpose is to distinguish where action is needed from what cannot yet be known. The NHS guide to thought records offers a related way to observe thoughts.
If it happens with many different concerns
If you replay meetings, messages and decisions for hours, and it begins to affect sleep or work, we can explore the process more fully.
Bring one recent example to a one-to-one conversation. We can notice which thought was most unsettling, what you did to feel reassured, and whether that response helped over time. We can also look at unclear work demands and whether you have a chance to ask questions.
You do not need to understand CBT before contacting me. If these thoughts are clearly affecting your life, tell me how often they arise and what impact they have. We can first consider whether your needs fit my service, or whether another kind of professional help would be more appropriate.